Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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