its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize