well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
