how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize