The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
