I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
