My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm passing your future prison.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
