I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
