please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
