just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
