Hey man sorry I got all grabby
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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