I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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