So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
