He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
