You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
