Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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