if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
