I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
