Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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