Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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