I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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