no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
