Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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