I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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