I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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