Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
