that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize