I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
