i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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