im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
