You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
