So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
