Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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