Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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