Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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