Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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