if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize