I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The ass gains better be worth it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
