and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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