tell your sister to shave her snatch
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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