Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
