Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
