garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
