I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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