I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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