She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
