Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm passing your future prison.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
