you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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