And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
