I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
