im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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