They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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