you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
