Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
