btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
