$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
