community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
