What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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