I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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