I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
