So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
