Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
