You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize