it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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