I'm so fucking centered right now
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
