Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
