it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
