New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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