I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
