I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize