no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
